This Season, on Avec David
via Bravo
Pop the Ramona Pinot, because The. B. Is. Back.
Ok, maybe my return to prime time isn’t as glamorous as Bethenny’s, but you know it’ll be just as dramatic — if not more. After all, did she win “Most Dramatic” two years running in Junior High? While I can’t be certain, I’m willing to guess not.
ok, here’s the deal
Doing my best Carrie Bradshaw internal monologue, I closed the book on my last blog earlier this year — vowing to walk away from the blogosphere to focus on myself. While I knew it wasn’t forever, it felt like the end of an era.
I was never world-famous (or hell, even city-famous) for my blog, I never cashed in checks for sponsored posts, and I didn’t even reach 1,000 subscribers. But it was mine before I moved to Seattle, and it grew with me over two of the most transformative years of my life. Despite never quite meeting the expectations I placed on it (and myself), it was still a security blanket, in a way.
323 days later, I sit in the same room I signed off in, to sign in again — though now, it looks completely different.
The room is brighter. Scratch that: My entire world is brighter. There’s a (possibly demonic) cat named Beau parkouring around my apartment. I’ve learned to understand, process, and welcome feelings into my once cold, black heart. There’s a beautifully intricate web of people in this misty city who know and love the real me. And there is a bouquet of my favorite white roses in a vase from my boyfriend on the table.
Despite the unmentioned challenges that it brings, life is good.
now what?
If I were on Watch What Happens Live, and Andy asked me the plan for this blog, I’d probably have to plead the fifth. Honestly, it’s not entirely clear.
When I was running OMG, the weight of the pressure to perform and to crank out content like a factory while working full time (and maintaining a social life) was immense. I had a grand vision for what I wanted it to be; and like Carrie, I let the blog get bigger than Big (and burned myself out in the process.)
Pair my out-of-touch vision with the constant struggle that is not comparing yours to other blogs (read: comparing yourself to others), and it was over before it even began. Like the tides, it didn’t take a trained eye to see the ebbs and flows of when I was coming or going. My effort, passion, and dedication were cyclical, and all tied to how I thought I was performing against my vision and peers. Not exactly the best business model.
i know what you’re thinking…
How is this blog going to be any different?
While I continue to strive to be a resource for friends, I better understand boundaries, what I’m responsible for, and what I can offer. I’ve learned (through regular therapy sessions) what pieces of me I’m comfortable extending to others, and how to maintain (and thrive) in that space. And though I continue to support (and cheerlead) my fellow bloggers, I’ve stopped religiously reading each new post, for my own sanity.
I have a rough sketch of what Avec David looks like, but I’m not putting goals on it. I’m not trying to lock myself into a specific cadence for new content, tie my worth to the analytics, or make it more complicated than it needs to be. Between the two of us, I see this blog as a creative outlet, not a business. Something that may have saved me a lot of trouble the first time around.
so, what are you getting?
Me. In whatever way I feel like showing up. And no, you’re not getting all of me. But I can promise that the piece(s) you do get are authentically, unapologetically, and wholeheartedly me.